Six Words

So as I have shared bits and pieces of my journey into motherhood through this blog, I have found that this is not only a way for me to release my joys, my fears, my milestones, my frustrations, but also an actual journal that other moms can relate to. Some of you have commented on the blog, privately messaged me and those close to me have dialed up my number and we've laughed and cried together. So tonight here is another entry I hope I'm not alone in writing. I hope that these words I type are words other moms feel because if I'm alone in this, I don't want to face that.

Let me preface with I love being a mommy. I love sweet Julia. She is a light in my life that I never knew existed. She has given me more strength in finding my true self than she will ever know. Her sweet giggles are intoxicating to me and her smile is etched in my mind forever. However, and here comes those six words I can be judged in everyway possible for saying -

I need a break from being a mommy.

The constant whining from a teething girl, the crying b/c she's figured out that can sometimes get her what she wants, the not caring what I look like b/c no one sees me behind a baby dressed in pink and bows, the constant waking up (have I even had REM sleep in months), the worrying if I'm doing the right thing to meet her milestones, juggling sippy cups in hopes of finding the right one, the passing of my husband in the hall without exchanging a word due to exhaustion or somewhere to be, the dreading of nap time b/c there are going to be tears shed - by both of us, the yearning for the last 5 lbs to just fall off, the interrruptions in doing what I'm intently doing b/c of a crying baby, never finishing a task....I need a break.

No one but a mom (maybe even a SAHM can only understand it) can understand these words that I shout in private b/c no one else lives and breathes the same thing day in and out. My home is my office and I never leave my office it seems. In the recent Sex in the City movie Charlotte had to hide in the closet b/c it just got to be too much....we have to hide our frustrations in the closet b/c it seems expressing them will only bring us shame. I even feel shameful by saying it.

So I need a break...a weekend away - sans Julia. Maybe even sans the husband. Maybe just me. Maybe a girlfriend to drink martinis with and throw glitter in the air (takes me to a time I put glitter on my body to go out - ahhh memories) .