Sacrifice

You don't really understand the word until you become a mother. I once thought sacrifice was something that you did and it was a negative thing. I thought if I had to sacrifice something then I was giving up something. It's such a tricky noun. I never understood growing up why my parents would give up something just so I could have what I wanted or needed. I just never got it until now. Since becoming a SAHM I have given up certain things.

The first one is MY TIME. There never ever seems to be enough of it to get to everything. If I do make time I am sacrificing something that Julia needs. So what do I give up - MY TIME. It's okay and some days I resent the world (never Julia though) for not having enough time to clean, run errands, work out, arrange dinner or make dinner, feed Julia, bathe Julia, play with Julia...it can be overwhelming. I never do it all. Somedays I get crazy about not being able to be Superwoman but the days I accept I am not her are days I call a sucess. Why? Because I made a sacrifice of something that is not going to affect the world - MY TIME. I refuse to sacrifice Julia's time because of my OCD Type A personality disorder!

Maybe the next one falls under MY TIME but for those of you that know me you also know that taking care of myself has always been important to me. However today I realized my eyebrows were lopsided (lack of professional brow shaping - 8 months ago was the last time), my toenail polish is chipped and dull from lack of pedicures, my skin doesn't have that glow from my rush to get ready routine I've acquired, and my hair doesn't have that bounce because I'm more focused on buying Julia and house stuff while I'm at Target instead of volumizing mousse. I know if Erika is reading this she's probably quoting words I once said to her "you're still a woman". Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm now a mom and not that I'm a slob, but I don't exactly have anyone to impress or any hot dates in my near future.

The next thing I find I have to sacrifice is HUSBAND time. Yes I said it - I am not the perfect wife. I just know me and right now Julia requires most of my time, while starting a business so that I have something that is mine years down the road takes a large chunk of time. By the time I've spent time doing those and trying to straighten up this monster of a house, run a couple errands, lug around a 24 lb baby and ....I'm pooped. I don't even want to hear my own voice! I'm sure some relationship guru would let me have it for that one and maybe SACRIFICE isn't a good thing to do to the marriage but I'm not sure how to get it all in. Under this falls no dinners out because Julia goes to bed so early and her sleep is more important that a nice dinner out. This also encompasses weekends out.  Maybe I should speak to some guru of some sorts to figure out how to do it all???

I'm sure in the future there will be more and more SACRIFICES to be made. However, I don't mind them. I know it's part of the job I signed up for and the return I get for these SACRIFICES are tenfold. I know in the future the sacrifices will come in a different form - hopefully I will get some of MY TIME back but have to sacrifice being right with a teenager who knows it all???